Some days, I’m truly shocked with what comes out of my mouth.
I used to think that toddlers said the darnedest things. But really, I’m over here with some crazy phrases of my own.
And as weird as they may be, I know I’m not the only mama repeating some of these little gems.
1. Stop eating the lawn.
He gets on all fours and eats it. Like the dog. It’s disgusting. I just hope he outgrows it before his friends notice.
2. Are you done so I can wipe?
When I said it the first time, I wanted to barf. Really. I did. For some reason, wiping after a toilet poop makes me gag more than the straight diaper change. Luckily, I get to say it every single day. So I can get used to it.
3. These are nipples.
He knows they’re nipples. He just thinks it’s funny to point at mine and say ‘nipple’. Like a million times. He inherited his daddy’s sense of humor.
4. Your booger doesn’t go there.
Or there. Or there. He wipes them EVERYWHERE. The wall. My pants. Our poor dog. A tissue doesn’t exist to him.
5. Take it out of your nose.
I’m pretty sure it’s a contest. How many peas and Cherrios can he actually get up there? Also, I think he’d shove a whole can of play-doh up one nostril if I let him.
6. What happened to your pants?
No, but really. Where are they? After a 10-minute struggle to get those bad boys on, they should be inescapable. At school, at home, and at the park. The pants just come off. And every now and then, they just vanish. Completely.
7. Please don’t lick that.
For the love of God! Please stop licking EVERYTHING in sight. At this point, he knows rocks aren’t food. Yet, he still goes in for the taste test. Is this even a phase after 2.5 years?
8. Somebody already chewed that.
Chewed up, spit out, and smashed into the concrete. It’s gum. He tries to pry it from the ground to give it a second life whenever he can. Mmmm black, hard gum. Anybody want some?
9. Is that permanent?
It seems no matter how many washable markers or toddler-friendly crayola kits I buy, he manages to locate the one permanent pen in the house. And then he typically creates a lovely masterpiece on his sweet little face.
10. I love you BIG much.
He started it. And now we both say it. It’s just so dang cute, I can’t bring myself to correct him. But I will one day. Maybe.
I’d love to hear some of the crazy phrases that whirl around your home! What random things do you find yourself saying to your toddler? If it’s anything close to the above then I have a feeling we’d get along real well! Check out my 10 reasons why we’d be mom besties.